April A-ha: Monthly Missives from The Dream Pedlar
Celebrating 4 years of Monthly Missives, and looking forward to a pivot in my writing and publishing journey!
Monthly Missives turns 4 years old this month! 🥳
I can't, for the life of me, remember what prompted me to start sending out these heartfelt notes in the first place.
Perhaps it was all the publishing industry pundits harping on and on about the merits of having a mailing list of subscribers to tout your wares to (and that's something I totally suck at, I must admit).
But as I look back now, I feel very grateful that over these past few years, you've given me the privilege of consciously marking the relentless passage of time through these monthly e-letters.
Being able to write to you with clockwork regularity, especially when most everything else seems to be constantly falling apart, remains a true privilege and a blessing.
I can only hope that these missives have given you as well much joy and comfort, helped you feel seen and heard, and nudged you to tend to yourself and your precious life with a little more compassion and kindness.
Tales For Dreamers
Reminiscing about the beginning of Monthly Missives sent me down memory lane, so I've plucked one of the very first tales I wrote upon my arrival in Canada more than a decade ago to share with you today.
Anitha Krishnan
Life, Unadulterated
You may have noticed that I conveniently skipped the 'On Writing' section I usually begin this missive with, giving you a behind-the-scenes update on my writing life. That's because I haven't written a single word of fiction this month!
I made a very deliberate decision not to write much this month for reasons I shall lay out in great detail now. So grab a cuppa, if you haven't yet already, and read on!
Almost half a lifetime ago, a friend of mine turned 25 years old. (The operative word here is 'almost'.)
When I called to wish him, he began telling me about how he had spent that morning taking stock of his life thus far. He had spent a quarter of a century on earth, after all.
His words startled me. Because I had never thought to look back on my life to see how far I had come. I had always been forward-looking, excited about all the possibilities that lay in front of me.
But when I too turned 25 towards the end of that very year, I felt compelled to take stock of my own life as my friend had done.
But where his assessment of his life had been largely favourable, my view of the time I had spent on earth was rather dismal!
Objectively we had the same accomplishments — graduates at the top of our classes from a very reputed university, high-paying gigs in the corporate world — but while those achievements appeared meaningful to him, I was quick to dismiss them as inconsequential.
Because at that point in life, I was feeling very lost and disoriented. It was a very 'Is this all there is to life?' moment.
That was a pivotal moment for me. About a year after that moment of reckoning, I turned to writing as a profession for the first time. That was 20 years ago!
I began with content writing and copywriting at the time, which eventually led me to the very exciting world of commodities journalism, where I thrived for a number of years, until I moved on to writing and indie publishing fiction.
Now, once again, I find myself back in that mode of introspection and taking stock,
as Monthly Missives turns 4,
as my first novel (but second published work), Dying Wishes, an award-nominated, Indian-inspired fantasy tale, quietly slipped past its 5-year-anniversary last month,
and as I realize that it was exactly 10 years ago when I was pregnant with D that I started outlining what went on to became my first longish published work, In Search Of Leo, a contemporary fantasy novella.
I'm a little stunned at the realization that for the past two decades, writing in some form or the other has been the way I've tried to earn a living, very successfully at times, and with little success on several other occasions.
But this time, the question nagging me is not 'Is this all there is to life?'
Instead, the question that has been haunting me is this: 'Who am I, if not a writer?'
Fortunately, instead of being filled with dread like my 25-year-old-self was, this time around this existential question comes bearing a sense of great exhilaration and possibility.
If I can cast aside the garb of writer that I had donned for the past two decades, who knows how life would unfold?
Up until a year ago, I was terrified of acknowledging the fact that my indie publishing journey was, very frankly, a commercial failure.
I thought that if only I could work harder and faster, spend more hours writing and publishing, and put in more effort towards marketing and promotional activities, the tide would turn.
It hasn't.
Did I do enough?
I hope I did.
Could I have done more? Or something different to engineer a better outcome?
I don't know. I'll never have the answer to that.
Am I ready to move on?
Absolutely! And honestly, that's the only answer that matters.
Move on to what?
I don't know yet. But I'm excited to explore and find out.
So, does this mean the end of Monthly Missives? I hear you ask.
Of course not! I still have an upcoming book series to keep tooting my own horn about, don't I? ðŸ¤
Which also makes this revelation of my stepping back from writing full-time a completely ill-timed marketing move. But hey, I did say I suck at self-promotion, didn't I?
It also doesn't mean the absolute end of writing for me. I have The Separation Of Souls Saga to finish, and I certainly don't plan to pull a George R. R. Martin on this one, what with Book 2 more than 80% done.
I don't like loose ends and unfinished business. Which would probably make me a terrible criminal, because I'd keep going back to the scene of crime to make sure I haven't left any inadvertent clues behind!
But it certainly means no longer looking towards writing fiction as a means of livelihood.
And that comes as a great relief, because saying that out loud (even if it's only the laptop keys clacking noisily in this case) frees me up to move on.
Books You May Love
Reading, like writing, has also been sparse this month. What I've kept up with is reading the Wings Of Fire series to little D.
We've finished reading Book 6, Moon Rising, which marks the beginning of the Jade Mountain Academy series, featuring a different set of dragons than the ones Books 1—5 were focused on.
Sutherland is such an excellent writer and storyteller. I loved the Dragonets of Prophecy (featured in Books 1—5) so much that I wasn't sure I'd find this new set of dragons and their stories as interesting. But wow! Sutherland's creativity knows no bounds.
Anitha Krishnan
Somehow, we find ourselves at the end of yet another missive, dear Dreamer! Next month's letter will be edition #50!
For the first time in a long time, I'm able to stand on the precipice of the unknown and look ahead not with dread and terror but with excitement and curiosity. It's a great place to be in, especially in these times of chaos and uncertainty.
Because, as I had told myself 20 years ago only to forget about it in the interim, uncertainty means possibility!
If you too are standing on the cusp of a life transition, I hope you're also able to let go of what no longer serves you and figure out what helps you move forward.
When we're no longer attached to what was, or to our ideas of what could have been, we have nothing left to lose. Only then can we make plenty of room for what really is and what could now possibly be.
Until next month then!
~ Anitha
Hope isn’t a plan and nostalgia is not a strategy. ~ Mark Carney, Prime Minister of Canada
