Saturday, the 25th of July, 2020, was a Godawful day. I spent the entire day in tears, in grief, and although this is not the first time this has happened, unlike previous times I was now able to recognise what I was grieving. I could understand that my raw emotions are signalling to me that there exist in me some significant unmet needs. This is their call for help, for attention, for understanding and kindness.
And by the end of the day, in a conversation with KrA, for the first time I found a perspective which gave me a sense of balance.
You know how the narrative goes. Let's take wealth as an example. We imagine that if only we had a couple of hundred thousand dollars in our bank account, all our problems would be solved. And when we get to that milestone, we realise that hey, where was that inner peace we thought we'd attain? And then we are so disillusioned with the achievement, that we go down the other route, looking for that inner peace in the opposite, by giving up our material pursuits and focussing on spiritual pursuits instead. We believe that aiming for material goals like wealth and a healthy bank balance is somehow wrong. If we still have that cushion of wealth to fall back upon, great. If we don't, this lack of wealth serves to embitter us instead.
The problem lies in assuming that a certain achievement would solve all our problems. That is inevitably proved false, and when we go down the other path of disownment, we are embittered because this is a material world and material things such as wealth, and even non-material things such as relationships and connections are important. They have value.
Wanting them, pursuing them in itself is not the problem. Chasing them, assuming that in themselves they'll solve all our problems is what causes disappointment. Disowning them thereafter traps us in a spiral of poverty and lack, and causes bitterness.
The wisdom lies in understanding they have value. Wealth, relationships, friendships, jobs, careers, that lovely house with a backyard, travel plans, vacations to new places ... All these elements in the world outside of us have value. To completely identify ourselves based on these parameters causes disappointment. To completely abstain from these worldly material pursuits causes embitterment. The wiser path lies in between. We acknowledge the value of these things and pursue them meaningfully, knowing that their presence enhances our lives and in their absence, we are full and whole in ourselves so we can also survive without them for a period of time.
Nothing solves our problems. Problems are not meant to be fixed or solved. They too are experiences of life. To be experienced. Only acceptance and grace and truckloads of self-compassion can steer us through the winds that toss us about.
I feel this is the most important lesson I have received from the Universe so far in this lifetime. And I find myself struggling to express this very important message eloquently, with flair, to have the desired impact.
So I apply this message of balance to this very experience. There is value in this truth. If I can achieve the goal of expressing it with beautiful words and phrases, great. If I can't, that too is fine. That doesn't diminish the value of this message.