D went to summer camp today at his school. Three of his classmates turned up there, and along with teachers he already knew from when he attended school during the school year, he was at ease going in.
I was determined to make use of this day to write. And boy, did I write!
And boy, has it taken me years of trying and failing to be able to sit down and write today!
I kept going in sprints. I kept getting up often, but for the first time ever, I kept coming back to pick up from where I had left off. I took a break when I saw myself slowing down, and was able to come back and do more than before.
I am so tempted to say that I wish this is what I had done right from day one. Day one being a day in time, almost fifteen years ago, when I decided I wanted to be a full-time author.
But no ... I had to go through years of doubting and stalling and walking away from writing and coming back to it, with a lot of emotional drama and upheaval and doubt, thinking that I wanted to travel more than write ... someday I'll do a proper post on what I mean. Today, I'm just rushing to put this post up here because I want to have a bath and fall into bed, so happily exhausted I am.
D being away at summer camp from 9 to 4 gave me valuable hours in the day to put towards my writing. And when he returned, I didn't need to think about my writing at all, knowing I had given it the best I could today, knowing I will come back to it after he has gone to bed.
My inspiration is Steven Higgs.
I have mentioned him on the blog before, but among all the people out there who give advice, including those who have been writing professionally for decades and have hundreds of works published, his is the most honest and encouraging.
He doesn't try to sell you anything. He just gets up, writes, looks after his family, rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat. And every time he posts on the 20Booksto50K group on FB that I'm part of, he only has much encouragement to serve.
I'm currently hooked on to his Patricia Fisher mystery books, and I love them so so much. I'm reading more observantly than I normally would, trying to identify elements that grip me, and I am learning a lot.
I promise myself this – I'm not going to spend a dime on another book on writing or a course in writing.
I have already decided that for the rest of 2021, I am only going to focus on writing everyday, and getting my words out there. I am going to trust myself and trust that all the books I've read, all the blogs I have followed, all the course I've taken so far will help me.
For now, that is enough.
For now, I am enough.
Thank you, Universe, for making my dream come true.
I sit here, a full-time author, a mother, a wife, and in all these roles I play, I find genuine pleasure. For years, I had wandered the world, demanding more, wanting more, thinking happiness was out there. Now I know it is not.
D already knows where his happiness lies.
He is at his happiest best when he's playing with his building toys and he has either or both of us for company. When I went to pick him up from camp today, he said he had a lovely time. He's signed up for this week, then he has a break for a week, and then a second camp the week after. I asked him if he'd like to sign up for one more camp, and he gave me a groaning "Noooo!" At bedtime, he told me he wished he hadn't signed up for camp because the day goes on for far too long.
We signed him up for only two weeks out of the nine weeks of summer, but somehow it makes my heart sing that this child likes being at home, doing what he loves. He loves us, he loves people, loves having friends over (even though we don't have many of them), and is ok by himself too.
And now, I'm in this sweet spot where I know in my heart what I love. On days when D is away, I'll try to make the most of that gift of time. On days when he's at home, I'll relish that too, knowing that the time to write will always present itself. I will always find it. Instead of fretting over its absence, I will create it.
Time. Love. Happiness. I have all that I need and much more. I am truly blessed!